How to Drink Coffee Like a Man

That's right, gentlemen...drop that axe, come inside, and drink some coffee the manly way. Here's a guide to getting the most of your morning cup of gentleman's brown:

1. Abandon what is referred to in the middle school community as "flavored drinks". There should be no other explanation needed.

2. Black only, tiger. Yeah, it may be a change for that teddy bear of a stomach, but you can take it. Its the only way to truly taste those wonderfully rich complexities that are present in good coffee.

3. Drink coffee that is actually good. Good coffee can be relative to taste, but here's what's measurable: There are two types of unroasted (green) coffee beans that get imported: Commercial/commodity grade, and Specialty grade. Specialty must be rated by professional tasters at 80 points or higher. Warning: Specialty grade coffee is much harder to find. Right now the Specialty coffee industry is a baby. There are usually between 1-6 Specialty coffee shops in major US cities. This means you'll have to do some research. TIP: see google map to the right of this post! Most specialty shops have a passion for roasting the bean much lighter, in order to bring out the natural terroir flavors in the bean.

4. No Americanos. The term Americano originated by Italians who noticed that US soldiers couldn't handle the strength of straight espresso. They had to add water to make it weaker. So I ask you, my fellow Americans, do we really want to be known as a bunch of lightweight namby-pambies? I think not. Ron Swanson agrees.

5. Find a barista who knows more than you do about coffee. There's nothing less manly than faking it, and you don't want to go into a shop thinking that a "carmel macchiato" is a manly drink. Ask them what is featuring well right now, and get home-brewing advice. NOTE: if your barista can't tell you how to properly brew, find another shop. Here's a great question to gauge the knowledge of your barista: "What beans are present in your espresso blend?" If they answer, "dark ones" move on.

6. Don't take shortcuts in your home coffee brewing. Here's what you need to brew a proper cup: a Burr Grinder (nope, a blade grinder just won't 'cut' it. ha), a fresh bag of beans roasted within 3 weeks, a scale, a manual coffee brewing device (french press counts, but there are wayyy better options to get better flavor, as in a pour over cone, or an Aeropress), a coffee:water ratio of 1:15. Check out www.brewmethods.com for techniques.

7. Don't overcompensate. Getting a large drink doesn't usually mean more coffee..on the contrary, it means more milk...oh how manly. Yes, the espresso/macchiato/cortado triumvirate are served in semi-dainty glassware...but they also usually contain a double-shot, which is the same amount of espresso as your buddy's large queen-of-the-hill latte. Think about it.